A bit of a ride in northern Thailand, part four

Feel free to start over here if you haven’t read the rest of the series!

Grudgingly remounting our bikes after the madness of the day before, we were certain of only one thing: there was no way in hell that we were going to be riding another 300+ km today.

We didn’t, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t any highlights.  Far from it.

Today we went to Tatooine.

Day 6:  Nan to Phrae

Promising a short detour to visit some impressive mud rock formations, Stuart led us south off the main road through Wiang Sa.  Detour it was, short it was not.  Still, at least we had the promise of those amazing rock formations to keep excitement levels high.

And then we got there.

Let’s just say that the formations were perhaps not quite as incredible as we might have hoped.  They were indeed muddy and rocky, admirably living up to their description, but in terms of wow factor they won’t be overtaking Petra on the list of things that every travel blogger in the universe is writing about any time soon.

Given the landscape we could easily have been on the set of Star Wars, if only there had been a few more members of the Skywalker family around and a few less coachloads of hyper-excited Thai tourists.  Lacking a Jawa sighting, however, after a few photos we soon turned the bikes around and carried on.

Stopping for lunch back near the turnoff we came to one unanimous conclusion: Sao Din was not worth the 90km round trip.  Still, the ride through the hills was scenic and we got to improve our terrible t-shirt tans in the beating sunshine, so it wasn’t a total waste of time.

After battling traffic for most of the next two hours we limped into Phrae hoping for only a good guesthouse and a cold beer.  We got one of the two, with a hotel that strived to be the dictionary definition of mediocrity – although it did have a condom machine at the end of the hall, which always adds to the ambience.

The nearby night market provided some tasty if not exciting dinner options, and with that we were pretty much done for the night.  Tired we were.  Sleep we must.

Distance travelled: 202km

Stayed at: Thep Vong Place, Phrae, a forgettable but good value budget hotel close to the old town for 350 baht/night with air-conditioning and hot shower.

Day 7:  Phrae to Lampang

We devoted the morning to an abysmal breakfast and checking out large wooden buildings and a variety of temples in Phrae’s old town.  It was surprisingly more enjoyable than it sounds – there is no wonder that the region’s teak forests have been depleted given the amount used in Phrae’s construction, but I guess it makes for impressive sightseeing if nothing else.

Footsore and sweaty, for a change we were happy to be getting back on the bikes.  It was short-lived, of course, but at least the feeling was briefly there.

Riding 100km on a scooter would have seemed like quite the adventure a week earlier, but by now it was barely worth talking about.

Other than a fun – albeit short – blast up and down the mountains the road to Lampang was both busy and disappointingly flat, but at least we had plenty of time to find a guesthouse beside the slowly meandering river.

The remains of a bottle of vodka proceeded to go toe to toe with a large balcony overlooking the water.

The balcony won.

And then we ate pork.  Lots and lots of pork.

Distance travelled: 103km

Stayed at: R-Lampang guesthouse, Lampang, in a large clean room with air-conditioning, paper-thin walls and a hot shower that I couldn’t work for 550 baht/night.  Highlights included the balcony on the river and the comedy value of the staff unlocking and relocking the fridge every time we wanted a drink.  I guess we looked suspicious.

Day 8: Lampang to Chiang Mai

The last day of our road trip dawned with a mixture of sadness (from our brains) and relief (from our butts).  It was barely 100km to Chiang Mai via the main highway … but who wants to travel on the highway?

Instead we opted for the back roads once more, heading north on the flatlands via route 1157 for an easy hour or more, stopping in Mueang Pan for lunch in a roadside restaurant overlooking the rice paddies.

And then the fun really started.

If traffic was quiet beforehand it now became positively silent as we left the farmland behind and headed up into the mountains.  These roads were something special – little wider than a car for much of their length, vibrant green jungle and majestic views for miles around, the chatter of bird life briefly interrupted as our bikes groaned up the ever-increasing gradients.

For the only time on the trip the scooter decided enough was enough, refusing to go any further up a particularly hilly section until Lauren jumped off the back.  Eventually finding a somewhat flatter piece of pavement, I looked back to see the forlorn sight of a small walking backpack plodding one foot after another up the steep mountain road.

Judging by the grimace on her face as she drew level, I was pleased we had decided not to climb these mountains under our own steam.

Unfortunately what goes up must come down … and just as steeply.  Even more unfortunately, the brakes on most small bikes aren’t really designed to deal with arresting the near-vertical drop of two people and baggage for any length of time.

Around two-thirds the way down the other side the inevitable happened.

After one prolonged steep section I released the front brake lever briefly and then reapplied it a few seconds later. Or tried to, at least, as it flapped uselessly around in my hand.  Oops.  Time for plan B.

Crushing the back brake as if my life depended on it (because, well, it did), I stuck both feet out to try to slow things down a little more.  Somehow managing to wrestle the bike around the oncoming corner and away from the cliff edge, we eventually dragged ourselves to a halt with our hearts in our mouths and the smell of hot brakes wafting in the breeze.

"Wasn’t that fun?"

Not so much.

After letting things cool down for a while we slowly carried on, Lauren now on the back of Stuart’s bike and me nervously avoiding using the brakes.  It was slow going but we made it, and once we got to the bottom and rejoined the main road everything was fine.  Still, not an experience I was looking to repeat in a hurry.

From buzzing insects and deserted roads to honking horns and exhaust fumes, in less than an hour we rounded the moat in Chiang Mai and our trip was over.  Pulling into a parking spot and killing the engine, I patted the seat and delivered a silent thank-you to our trusty steed.  1385km in eight days is a lot to ask from a scooter, and other than those over-heated brakes it had come through without a hitch.

And so had we.

I had never experienced a two-wheeled trip like this one.  The views, the challenge, the roads were all incredible, but the best part was simply getting to see parts of Thailand that most visitors never do.  The beaches and buckets, the hotels and holidaymakers are all good fun, but I can’t help but feel that the real heart of Thailand lies elsewhere.

After this road trip, I feel privileged to have caught just a glimpse of it.

Distance travelled: 155km

Stayed at: my own apartment!

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